Grades

An A record is quite the accomplishment, even an A-. I would love to own a vinyl of any A record. Nuff said. Peak’s peak.

• An A+ is a record so damn good I can’t help but never grow tired of it, enamored by every single track. The cream of the cream of the crop. E.G. Loveless by My Bloody Valentine
• An A record generally ranks among the top. Something I regularly revisit, albeit maybe I would grow slightly tired of looped nonstop. Still, I always find myself coming back at some point. E.G. Violator by Depeche Mode
• An A- record is still pretty damn good, don’t get it twisted. It’s definitely a record I like a lot… It’s just that it’s esoteric or uniform enough in sound that I can generally go a little while in between refills. Also a good place to put records I think are a bit drawn out but I love what I’m hearing enough to forgive it. Even the worst of the best are still among the best. E.G. Dummy by Portishead

Don’t get too down about a B; a B record is still a cut above the average, and something I can appreciate. Good, maybe even great, but not the best.

• A B+ Record is almost like the lite version of an A-. It’s a record I still definitely love, but maybe even more esoteric than an A- so that it becomes annoying if over-harvested, and maybe doesn’t spark quite the same deep listening enjoyment. Still good though. E.G. Going Places by Yellow Swans.
• A B is… good. Just somewhat unremarkably so. It’s the kind of score that I give to a record that when someone asks me how it was I say “yeah, it was pretty good.” Maybe some of the tracks do more of the heavy lifting than others, but I can respect the craftsmanship; it was definitely more enjoyable than not. E.G. HIT ME HARD AND SOFT by Billie Eilish
• A B- is a record that I probably got bored with while listening, but still appreciate for some reason or another. The craft is nice, and it was pleasant enough, and I felt the need to dignify the record with something better than the middle of the road… but not much more than that. E.G. The Presidents of the United States of America debut album.

A C is exactly what it looks like. Average. Mid. You shouldn’t be mad if your band made a C of any kind; not being annoying is the first crucial step of being good.

• A C+ is more often than not a record I was supposed to like but just… didn’t. Still, I probably respect it enough to put it on the higher end of average, even if it’s still average. E.G. Ants From Up There by Black Country, New Road
• A C is dead on the bullseye middle. Lukewarm beer, Die Hard 3, cheap makeup, 50% chance of rain, gas stations. Meh. E.G. Pacific Daydream by Weezer.
• A C- is a record I maybe found a little boring or annoying, but don’t think deserves the hit of being put in a grade lower than C. It certainly doesn’t walk too gracefully, but it at least catches itself when it falls. Maybe there’s a track I like. E.G. For All The Dogs by Drake.

A D is bad, but not exceptionally so. It leaves a bad aftertaste, but nothing that can’t be washed down by something else. Maybe it sounds alright but has a terrible message, or vice versa. Misdemeanor, not felony, ect.

• A D+ is an album that has a decent amount of effort put into it, and kind of fucks it up somehow. An album that leaves me disappointed and a little disgusted with just how much it wasted and how much it missed the mark. Great place to put good artists who fell off. E.G. Metallica by Metallica.
• A D album is solidly bad, but not utterly rotten. At least more than half of the tracks are listenable, just not enjoyable. E.G. Neotheater by AJR.
• A D- is definitely one I regretted listening to all three times, but has some kernel of craftsmanship or intention that saves it from falling down to F status. E.G. Chinese Democracy by Guns and Roses.

An F is really bad. It takes a while to detox, and is a record I want to forget exists. Its sour taste seems to tarnish listening to good music, for a little while at least.

• An F+ is damn bad, but maybe I detected one or two tracks that were maybe almost listenable? Mediocrity among atrocity. E.G. The Big Day by Chance The Rapper
• An F just solidly sucks. Awful, terrible, and just something I can’t wait to be done with. E.G. Vultures 2 by Kanye West
• An F- is a remarkable and near-impossible achievement. A shining beacon that all other shit aspires to even come close to reaching. Much like an A+, sparks a unique interest in every single track. Deserves to be saved in the library of congress and studied for generations to come. E.G. Angelic 2 the Core by Corey Feldman

There’s also some auxiliary badges an album can be given besides its base score:

• A 🥨 indicates something along the lines of “it’s not my thing, but probably really good for the people who are into it, so take the score with a grain of salt” E.G. Tomb of the Mutilated by Cannibal Corpse
• A 🌟 indicates that “but who cares about the score. It’s fun dumb music to be fun and dumb to. Why ruin it by trying to treat it like serious art?” E.G. Fetty Wap’s debut album.
• A 🏔️ indicates a wildly inconsistent album of peaks and valleys, making it difficult to score because the letter constantly changes depending on what song is playing. E.G. Welcome to Hell by Black Midi
• A 🧠 indicates a fascinating album. Clever production, odd influences, intellectually stimulating… but not necessarily enjoyable to listen to. E.G. Savage Sinusoid by Igorrr
• A 🧸 indicates an album with sentimental value to me. Is it great? Yeah, probably not. But for whatever reason, it means a lot to me personally. E.G. Siamese Dream by the Smashing Pumpkins
• A ❓ indicates an album that I don’t get, even after three listens. It’s not that I dislike it wholeheartedly, but rather that I know I’m missing something and it’s inhibiting my actualy enjoyment of the album. Expect an album with one of these to get a revised review at somepoint, usually higher.